Disinclined to take 'No' for an answer

Day 78

The first wave of manuscripts I sent out have nearly all been returned now - only one is outstanding. It is however, my first pick agent that I haven't heard from but I don't know if that's good or bad news. Tomorrow I will send out the next batch, to the next lot of agents, and when I have tried all the agents, then I will start in on all the publishers. Only when I have tried absolutely everybody in the publishing world will I take 'No' for an answer, at least on this book - I do have others that I want to try my luck with in the pipeline.

Is this the acme of foolishness, as Gorgeous Clooney enquires in 'O brother, where art thou'? Is my ego just dictating that I pursue something to the bitter end regardless of it's merit? How the hell would I know? I think my book is beautiful, and that it would sell fabulously, and that every kid under five would end up with it on their bookshelf, but it's possible that I'm a little bit biased.

Many, many writers before me have been in this position, and I would like to say right now, well done the lot of you, for sticking it out cos this bit isn't very pleasant. I feel for you all, I really do, but if you all had the guts to persevere, than so have I. Not nice, all this rejection stuff though, is it....

You see, I have had such a day of self-doubt. Understandable really. Keep getting told no, and my insomnia is in full throttle at the moment, so my energy is drained to it's lowest reserve. When I am in this kind of situation, however, there is always one thing that I do - carry on regardless with whatever decision I made, when I was in a better, clearer, more rational state of mind than this one, even if it is bloody hard work.

Tonight I have had a glass of wine and in a moment we will splurge the housekeeping budget on some fish and chips. I shall allow myself a day of feeling negative without giving myself a hard time for it. So many famous writers have been where I am now, unsure if their efforts would ever bear fruit, if their work was good enough - I am in inestimably good company.

And "tomorrow", as one of that company once said, "is another day".

So in the morning, a new list of agents, a new set of envelopes, a trip to the post office, and several hours emailing. The idea for this book came to me ten years ago, so sometimes it feels as if I have been working on it forever. Well that's rubbish. I have just begun. If others can do it then so can I, and if I can do it, then so can you.

Fingers crossed, everybody, fingers crossed.