So say we all

Day 100

It is six of the clock on Christmas Eve, and I bid everyone the very best Season's Greetings, ( although I will be seeing three of my five followers tomorrow, and so can tell them in person).

I have just wrapped the very last present and laid it under the tree. My neighbour has called and left homemade jams and apple jelly, all decorated with sparkly silver bows (thank you, thank you), and the last card has been hung on the last empty peg.

I can't say that 'nothing is stirring, not even a mouse,' because the gannet guinea pigs are going at their Xmas parsley hell for leather, and Steve is happily ensconced on the sofa with a glass of wine and a Haynes manual. I can say, however, that I am starting to feel that familiar tingle of excitement that Christmas always brings me.

It used to be the suspense of opening presents as a child, but now it is a delight in the traditional side of it all that sizzles in my blood. The smell of cinnamon and cloves, the twinkling lights and gaudy decorations, the idiocy of paper hats and crackers, and terrible jokes that no-one finds funny. The over-feeding and the under-exercising, the sense of people letting themselves off the hook for a day.

My gift to myself this year is pride. "What!" you say, "but that's one of the deadly sins!". Yeah, yeah, I know, but not the way I do it. I have lots of reasons to feel proud this year so I'm just going to, that's all.

1. Steve has applied for nearly four hundred jobs and has only his second interview just after Xmas. I am so proud of how he has handled this, when it has sometimes been really difficult for him. Time and again he has pulled himself back up to a positive stance, looked on the bright side, and refused to cave in.
2. Joe has got out of the YMCA where he was living, into a flat of his own. He has found part-time work that he loves and is doing what he can to find something more full-time. He is taking the first steps to get himself sorted and on the right track. Keep going, son, I love you to bits.
3. Sam has worked like a little Trojan, handling college, homework, shop work, and housework, all with barely enough sleep and no time to socialise or see his girlfriend. Despite this he has shown grace, patience, discipline (never his strong suit, so double brownie points for that), and staggering generosity. What a love.
4. I finished my book. I have received plenty of rejections from agents, but have stayed focused and positive and ready to target publishers with the same spirit next year. Putting oneself on the line is always the hard part and I am proud of myself for being willing to do so.
5. I have the best friends ever. I know none of them would want me to send Xmas cards if I felt it was an expense too far, and will not bat an eyelid to recieve nothing from me. They hold me in their hearts and offer any help they can give. I know they would do this at any time of the year, but it feels even more special at Xmas when they have so many other calls on their time, energy, and finances.
6. (And Lyds has just popped a pressie in my lap - I'm so blessed this year.)

These are good things, good things, and I am happy with pride because it is like a sort of gratitude that includes my part in it. As I write this, someone is letting off fireworks just up the hill. I can see them from my window and they mirror how I am in my body tonight. I am fireworks and tinsel, troika rides, snowball fights, a two-year old's anticipation and a lover's kiss beneath the mistletoe, both breathless and pure.

Let the bells ring out, the town cryers call, the families gather and the friends unite. It is the Christian Christmas, the pagan Yule tide, the jewish Hannukah, a time of solstice and renewal, a festival of light and rejoicing - above all a season of peace and goodwill to all men. So say we all.