Decking my halls

Day 83

Have just woken up and am in a bit of a state. In my dreams I had lost or accidently killed some puppies that were in my care, which was upsetting enough, but then I was in a shop trying on necklaces and the small child I had in the buggy with me ran off, and I had to dash out frantically into the road and search to find him. When I got back to the shop, stricken with guilt, my handbag had been stolen or lost, but the shop girls thought they had it so I went through the lost property until I found something similar. I opened the bag so see if it was mine but it wasn't ,yet the shop girls kept trying to convince me it was, even though the driving licence photo inside looked nothing like me. Then I looked at my watch and realised it was two o'clock and my dad - who has been dead now for over twenty years and whom I miss very much - was due at my house at one, so I was too late to see him. I woke up sweating and anxious, with a dry mouth, a thumping head and aching all over.

Such is life when you have hormone problems - as Progesterone is partly responsible for monitoring blood sugar levels (along with insulin), a low progesterone count equals a low blood sugar reading in my brain. This sets off an adrenaline burst ( to get the liver to convert stored glucose and get it out into the blood ), which affects my emotions if I am awake, or my dreams if I am asleep. I put on a Progesterone cream when I go to bed but it doesn't last all night, and now that I am in the menopause, the whole thing has ratcheted up a notch. What jolly fun.

Still, been through a year of the 'change' already and this whole ridiculous business will be stopping one day soon. Roll on that day, I say - I must be the only woman in England who thinks getting old enough to have finished with the menopause is a damn good thing.

Couldn't get near the computer to blog over the weekend, as Steve was hogging it to rewrite his CV for a new job possibility. We're both very hopeful about this one as it ticks pretty much all the boxes for us. Fingers crossed that he gets called for an interview, OK?

Frankly, I really want him to get a job soon as he is clearly starting to lose his marbles. On Saturday he called me "Honey Pooh Bear"! I mean, what the Hell? We DO NOT do stupid, infantile, baby names for each other - yuk, not a chance, no, but then - to add insult to injury - I asked him to put deoderant on the shopping list, and he produced a bottle of LYNX! I can't wear Lynx - I'm a girl.......with taste........and standards. What does he think he is doing?

Well now, I've had two cups of hot water and lemon and got all that off my chest ,so I am starting to feel much more human again, (bit like transforming into a werewolf, only in reverse). Today is a new day, in a new week, in My New Life and I want to make the most of it.

So - have nearly finished my part in making all the Christmas presents, and have had a rootle around the garage to see what else we can sell on Ebay. Found a few pieces of vintage china, which is a start. Will also begin putting up the Xmas decorations and making the house into a warm and inviting place for the family to be in. When you're broke you need a bit of extra looking after.

Am regretting putting my foot down last year and demanding a real Xmas tree so we could throw the ratty old one we found in the attic away. We won't be spending Xmas at home this year anyway, but at my brother's house, which I am very excited about - there will be fifteen of us and it's going to be a lot of fun. However, that leaves us wilth only the tiny tree in a pot in the garden (that was our kitchen tree last year), but as Sam laughingly said, it's not like we'll have lots of presents to put under it anyway.

My family are SO fantastic. The fact that we can only afford handmade gifts is something they are all happily embracing, to the point where I am having to push them to do any kind of Xmas list at all. "Don't worry, I don't need anything", they say. "Well tough, you'd better come up with something cos I'm not giving you nothing!" I reply.

Sam even gave us 75% of his Saturday job wages to help with the bills last week. What a kid, I'm so proud of him. I really feel the true spirit of Xmas is something living ,and real, and tangible in the house this year. We are all looking after each other and helping each other out. Nobody is thinking about what they will get, only what they can gift. It is precious and beautiful, peaceful and calm. No frantic shopping or overspending. What a blessing - we are lucky people indeed.