Finding my direction

Day 31

It's been a whole month since I started My New Life, and it's not exactly what some might call a roaring success. For the most part, I have had one virus after another, and got very little done. My house is a tip. My body is less of a temple, and more of a disused garden shed - full of junk. My career is moving forward at a hesitant snail's pace, and my energy levels are at an all time critical low.

Still - I'm happy , and I choose to believe it can only get better from here. Even if it has been one hell of a month, health-wise, I did manage two of the preliminary drawings for my book, one of which only needs some colour changes, which is a quick fix. By the end of this next month, I should be able to finish all of the drawings, and start on the silk-painted samples.

The finished illustrations will be silk-paintings, because the colours in that medium are as bright and bold as stained glass windows. This is a book about colour, so the pictures really have to pack a punch, and silk-paintings will do that. While Steve is out of work, I don't have the money to buy all the paints, gutta, silk, brushes etc., that I need, so some samples (using up what I have left from years ago) will have to do to for now.

When my son Joe was born 27 years ago, I discovered how much of a full-time job motherhood was going to be. I realised I would have the time to work and be a mum, or be an artist and be a mum, or work and be an artist, but not all three at once. So my work would have to be as an artist, or I would have to give it up or shelve it for a really, really long time, and I couldn't bear to do that.

Not having any artistic training until recently, it has taken a while to find my direction. Before Sam came along I was exploring lots of avenues and gaining valuable experience. After Sam, of course, my life ground to a halt with the illness that I am now finally putting to rest. It may have been a long road, but there are ways in which it has been productive. I gained a lot of maturity and self-discipline in that time. I know better now how to use my time effectively, and have found out what is worth doing, and what not to be distracted by.

So roll on next month, it's going to be a good one - I can feel it in my waters, as my old Gran used to say. When you consider how much of the Human body is made up of water, then that must be a good thing, (though when I was a kid, I always wondered what she was doing trying to feel her pee).