Being a Bev of very little brain

Day 122

Am in that long, slow, mind-numbing, body stiffening, waiting phase of my hormone cycle. My brain doesn't function well, and decision making is hard or reduces me to tears because of the effort involved, versus progress achieved.

At this time of the month I often feel like one of those early super-computers from seventies sci-fi films. You know the ones - big black boxes with lots of flashing lights that serve no purpose at all, and self destruct in clouds of crackling smoke when someone feeds in an impossible question. That is me. Inside I am screaming "it does not compute" in the voice of a panic-stricken automaton.

The only thing I seem able to do well is consume large quantities of the wrong sort of carbohydrates. Whenever I have tried avoiding this pattern, I have ended up with tearful panic-attacks and an inability to move on to something else. Cue more sci-fi, as I am then possessed by little black brain Daleks yelling "resistance is useless".

Have tried to circumvent the whole process early today by having brown rice and lentils for breakfast (low G.I.), which is as unappealing as it sounds, but should ward off the worst of the cravings for a while.

Next step is finding something to do. Have learnt through bitter experience that my visual judgement is really iffy at this time of the month (walk into doors a lot), and my concentration is less than a goldfish, so attempting to get involved in anything that matters to me is a bad idea. I have ruined more things on these days than you can possible imagine.

Can't go off for a walk as feet way too painful because of the attendant bloating. Can't read because of concentration difficulties and tendencies towards headaches at this time. Could spend money but don't have any, which is just as well considering distinct lack of judgement at this time. Me + hormones + Ebay = debtors prison, most likely.

So..... to recap - can't touch anything I care about, and that includes husband (as my skin becomes completely hyper-sensitive - in a bad way - and a hug makes me want to commit murder). Also, food tastes different - sort of 'wrong', if you know what I mean, hence the need for over-powering stuff like chocolate. Only got those new, huge Kit-kat bar things in the house and they're horrible, so a bit stuffed there.

Come on Bev, focus, focus. What to do?

Nope. Nothing happening, brain like cauliflower soup. Will go and do my runes, stay cheerful, stay calm, keep being open to inspiration or suggestion, try not to drive anyone else potty, and tell myself that I am one day closer to the day when I am done with this hormone-cycle business once and for all.