All the reasons why

Day 5

Why am I writing a blog? This is a forum for people who are doing marvelous things and have stunningly interesting lives (which I clearly do not), or who live in remote places, or are famous and fabulous and witty and wonderful, none of which applies to me outside of my own head. For some of us, isn't it just a diary that we are so up ourselves we think other people will be desperate to read? Well yes, a little bit. But I realised that for me it is also a question of accountability. Let me explain.

I have just spent two years at college where, however ill I was, the tutors still expected results from me. I had to produce the work in order to pass. I had to push through, so I did. Sometimes it was a delight and a doddle, but most of the time it was heavy going, and I've spent most of the last three months just recovering. College was wonderful, life-affirming and worth it, but now I feel a bit rudderless and limp. EVERYTHING can be put off 'till tomorrow if I feel really rough (see the fate of the ironing), and I no longer have deadlines to work to that aren't set by me and therefore, on the flexible side. But a blog means I am putting my intentions outside of my own little world, and though nobody is actually looking, it's possible that they might. And I don't want to look a fool in front of too many imaginary people by getting absolutely nowhere, and wimping out of creating My New Life.
So there it is - accountability. A way to keep myself more on track. And nobody ever has to read this, there just has to exist the possibility that they might. Isn't technology a wonderful thing?

Woke up feeling very leaden though, so will make RESOLUTION NUMBER 5 to counteract this. Today I will do one fun thing and one useful, practical thing. I will not just slob out with the Sunday rag. I will push through. I will go one step further than I feel capable of at this point, and that will be one step down the road of My New Life. Could do with a cheerleading squad in a box somewhere chanting "Go Be-ev, Go Be-ev!" for me to open when needed. Will make do with an imaginary one (like my imaginary reader, only louder).