How to handle a headache

Day 11

Yesterday was a bit of a write-off. Went to bed the previous night with a headache, woke up with a headache, kept headache all day, stayed on sofa. That's the shorthand version. The longhand one includes various attempts at pain-killers, which only added on a groggy dizziness, fierce, burning nausea, and a constant hangover feeling whilst barely reducing the headache. Still feel a bit side-swiped from it today.

So, I ask myself, why am I manifesting such debilitating conditions? How does this fit with My New Life? Am I unconsciously finding ways to stay in the old one? When will I start creating myself as the healthy person I have described in my Inspiration Book? Searching questions that deserve honest answers, so here goes.

Did I feel 'let off the hook' yesterday? - No, I don't think so.
Did I feel frustrated at not being able to get on with things? - Yes, to some degree.
Did I feel guilty or a failure for being so firmly immobilised in my old, ill life? - Well, the thought tried to come up from time to time, but I pronounced it rubbish once I recognised it.
Did I let it get me down? - No. Not this time.

What was different this time? - Well, I really tried to refute negative thinking every time it presented itself - not easy when your head is that woolly and painful, but not impossible either. I kept remembering the pictures in my Inspiration Book and focusing on them. I repeatedly tried to evoke feelings of gratitude for the things I already have, like my husband bringing me anything he thought would help, and leaving me alone at all the right times, or for my guinea pig Barry, who let me cuddle her for ever so long and held in her pee the whole time. I focused on being in the moment and happy, whatever my situation, and not let the pain cloud my thinking or decide my state. I gave myself permission to be where I was without guilt ("you should have looked after yourself properly") or self-pity ("your life is shit") or predictions ("things will never get any better") or just plain stupidity ("you're a burden to your family").

Truths can be hard to hold on to in times of stress - physical, mental or emotional, but truths there are, nonetheless. Spending the whole day with a headache does not mean that My New Life is out of my reach. In fact, spending one whole day re-focusing and fighting negative thought patterns is damn good practice and time well spent, even if it did feel shitty to go through. My New Life can sometimes seem to be about things I want to tick off a list - concrete, visible, actionable markers. But to be successful, it needs to be about more than that. It has to be about HOW I do things, and where I am coming from when I do them, as much - if not more than - the things themselves.

So maybe it wasn't the write-off I first thought it, and what looked like immobility, or even a step backwards, was the exact opposite - a step in the right direction and a signpost for the future. I sincerely hope impatience doesn't stop me from taking the time I need to move forward consciously, and with grace. I need to be able to walk before I can run, and that is important because in My New Life, I fully intend to run.