Shaken not stirred

Day 242

My friend just had a delightfully humbling experience. A few weeks ago she told me that she and her daughter were going along to an audition at the Theatre Royal, where some lady is putting on a production of Ben Hur using the locals as extras. Her little girl Ella was really excited and I think that, secretly, my friend was too. However, I saw her last night and found out that, yes, she has a part - as a leper! What a scream. This is definitly going to end up more Life of Brian than Charlton Heston. Can't wait.

Always stayed behind the scenes myself. Used to do the set painting on the school plays which was brilliant, (our after-show parties were legendary). Worked my way up to being in charge. Did Sweeney Todd one year and had everybody on their hands and knees, half a potato in hand, printing cobblestones over the backdrop from Monkey the previous year. I think this is where I learnt to improvise.

(Can I just say that I found trying to replicate damp stains on old wallpaper the most challenging. Getting them dark enough to show up in all the lighting effects without just looking like mud was stretching, and I'd love to know how it's done in less than 13 tries.)

They filmed a Bond film near where we lived once. I think it was 'The world is not enough', but I'm not a big fan of cheesy so I'm not sure. Anyway, they left most of the set behind in the woods where we walked the dog. Some foreign army checkpoint, with tanks etc. It was great seeing it all close up. Everything was painted MDF and I wished I'd been able to paint rusted metal and concrete bunkers and barbed wire fences as well as that when I was set-painting.

It stopped dead two inches out of shot which was a bit peculiar. Also, a lot of the tanks were pretty crap when you got close, and full of empty beer cans and fag ends and only half there. A lot of the trucks had no wheels.The magic of cinema certainly is magic. Smoke and mirrors, guys, smoke and mirrors.

I wish I could apply some of that to my home at the moment. Steve is now coming home every week so he can attend college on a Saturday, and Sam is back from Malta. My house is a mess again, and I have been pushed off the perch of trying to find out what I want to do, in favour of being bombarded with what I have to do. Is there a way to use MDF and paint in my kitchen so it looks like no-one's been in there?

I retreat to the hole in the wall where we house the computer. It is freezing and I am covered in blankets. I finish chapter 3 of my book, rewrite chapter 1 and start on chapter 4. 'Word' plays up and I keep losing sentences. Perhaps my computer has an opinion and is editing for me? I certainly have an opinion of the bloody computer, so fair's fair, I suppose.

I mix up some more paint for the bathroom so it is less scrambled egg and more delicate primrose, but have not the strength to paint it yet. I leave the paint on my arms and my apron on. Smoke and mirrors again - it looks more like I did something that way. Besides, not convinced about the yellow - it now looks like Brie and is still making me hungry.

I had a part in a school play before I got transferred into the set painting. I was a widow in The Government Inspector. I got a bit carried away. I thought 'I'm poor, so I probably have lice and fleas and a runny nose etc.,' and I spent my whole ten minutes on stage scratching and sniffing and hawking to the best of my ability. I didn't get asked again.

In retrospect, I think my performance may have had too much smoke.