"Every day, in every way, I get better and better..."

Day 153

Well gosh almighty but things seem to be improving. I have started the new diet and within two days the horrendous food cravings have almost completely disappeared. Instead, I feel a sense of calm and congruence, and my moods seem to have leveled out some. I also gave myself two nights on the sleeping tablets so that I could catch up a bit, and that has definitely helped.

The diet has reduced my constant snuffles already, (I have appeared to be nursing a streaming cold for the last three months, which I knew was actually a reaction to some food stuff that I was eating, just didn't know what). Despite cutting out all gluten, I am still bloated like a beachball though, and my wedding band is cutting off my circulation, but it's early days yet.

What surprises me is how content I am this diet, restrictive though it is. I don't feel like I'm missing out in any way, the signals from my body that tell me when I am full are working again (hallelujah!), and I don't seem to desire anything much other than what I am allowed.

We went to see 'Avatar' last night and Steve sat there munching his pic-an-mix while I had 12 cashew nuts in my pocket. Not only did I have no interest in the sweets, but I couldn't be bothered with the nuts either (so had 'em for breakfast). Everything feels safer and in control and it is so, so long since I felt free like this. I've had nineteen years of hormonal roller-coaster, during which time the one constant has been the presence of food cravings.

If I can get my body in a more balanced and less internally stressed state by adhering to this diet, then I can start to work on my weight which, in turn, may lesson the pain in my feet. I have just discovered this is called 'Peripheral mononeuropathy', which is essentially pain from a malfunctioning nerve system affecting, in my case, the feet.

Apparently, getting the right vitamin supplements may help this. When I was on the 'anti-candida' diet, I had a long list of minerals and vitamins to take, specifically prescribed by a nutritionist to help combat my symptoms. I know I felt better when I was taking them, but they cost over £130 a month, and we just can't afford that on the dole.

The good news is that Steve's old company is putting a bid in for some contract work and - if they get the deal - they will be giving him a job, on good pay, for a nice long time. I will then be able to afford the supplements again, yippee! And Steve will be without all the worries and difficulties he's had for the last 8 months, trying (and succeeding brilliantly) to keep us afloat.

So everything is looking up and moving along and all those other wonderful cliches. Maybe next time I write there will be more definite progress to report. Then I can get back to writing my books and painting my pictures and building My New Life, without this constant, dragging inertia, and mental fog. The good days are coming, and the winter chill will be left behind. It's all good, as they say.