Have recently had some rough days, and someone I love is having a rough day today, so it got me thinking about the mysterious workings of the human mind, and the beauty and simplicity of it's purpose.
When we are born our primary objective is survival, so our mind's job is to collect information to ensure that. Consequently, the first beliefs we programme into our brains are about how the world works on a very basic level - water is wet, food is good etc., before moving on to discover how more complex things like gravity work - when Daddy throws me in the air I come back down, and when I drop my toy out the buggy (a lot) he picks it up again.
Once we've figured out how the world operates in relation to us, we move on to seeing how we operate in relation to the world and the people in it - we like being held by granny who smells of biscuits, but not by mad Uncle Kevin who reeks of beer and tips us upside down just after feeding.
All the time we are building a road-map to guide us through life, and as all of this is just our assessment of what we experience, it is our belief-system that subsequently holds all this valuable information.
So far, so good.
But then things start to get a bit more complex as our ability to interact becomes more sophisticated and our understanding of language starts to develop. We get introduced to abstract concepts such as good, naughty, nice, nasty, love, rejection, loss and fear, and it is the job of our minds to catalogue this data into our belief-systems in a way that protects us, ensures our survival, and allows us to flourish in the situation we find ourselves in.
But our minds are very young. Big snag, that. We are still gathering data, and reasoning is still way ahead in the future.
So we do what we're programmed to do - we assimilate the information into our beliefs the best way we can, and hold it as true for the rest of our lives. Then, every time that we experience something of a similar nature, our minds rifle through the rule books, and come up with what they believe to be facts about how the world works, who we are in relation to it, and how we must behave in order to survive the situation in the best way possible.
Simples.
But let's just go back to that snag for a moment.
Very often our beliefs about these concepts are based on little or no adequate information, and a complete inability to process and reason out said data even if we had it - we are far too young and inexperienced. So we end up making sweeping judgements as that is all we are capable of.
That is great if you are in a wonderful, loving, nurturing situation for the majority of the time - your judgements are likely to be that the world is basically a safe place, that people are kind and have your best interests at heart, and that you are a fine individual, just as you are.
But none of us get that all the time. It just isn't possible.
As very young children we don't know that Dad is withdrawn because he's worried about losing his job or that Mum is grumpy because she has a migraine coming on and we are teething and screaming the house down. We just feel the loss of their love and attention, and attribute it to something arbitrary but relevant to our experience - I cried and mum put me down and left the room, ergo, crying is bad and I am less lovable when I show that emotion.
We carry these beliefs for the whole of our lives - it's what we're programmed to do. After all, what good is a road-map that you forget halfway through your journey.
So as adults, we end up in painful situations where these old beliefs come rushing to the fore and whisper 'helpful' advice at the back of our minds - ie; don't get too happy, you'll become complacent and remember what happened last time! Far better to be watchful for the difficulties that you know lie ahead, then you won't be disappointed and side-swiped by them. Stay safe, stay contained, don't let yourself go. Blah, blah blah.
You all know what I'm talking about. You've all heard that insidious little voice at one time or another.
For those who had less than adequate parenting the voice may shout 'You're worthless, unlovable, never amount to anything, a complete failure' etc. But it's all the same thing - a mind that is trying to find the best way to help you live your life as successfully as possible.
Maybe once upon a time, believing in your own wonderfulness was so discouraged or rejected that showing it - or even knowing it - became a painful place that your mind wanted to navigate you away from.
That is sad.
But what about now?
Have those beliefs become the things that are hampering you instead?
You have reasoning powers now that your young mind did not. You can choose some new beliefs that are verifiably true, wise, constructive and kind. You can root out those that crush your spirit and limit your life and tell yourself the truth about them.
I don't know why my mother chose to tell me I was a failure and a constant disappointment to her, but my adult brain knows that that says more about her than it does about me. I am none of those things though for a long time I let myself believe that I was.
I am actually a fine individual. I suspect you are too.
Don't let yourself follow a mis-leading road-map just because your mind is a perfect, extraordinary, amazing tool that once had the wrong information.
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